im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
