the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I touched a dick in church today
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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