so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
