checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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