I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
