Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
So gin and wine won't be happening again
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Two words: blizzard sex
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
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