somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
