there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Randomize
