Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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