roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
