Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
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dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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