I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
