I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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