the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
