So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Randomize
