I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
They are going to name an STD after you.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
