Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Randomize
