Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
