Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
