I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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