it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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