Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
i am craving dick and cupcakes
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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