Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
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