Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Randomize
