My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
