new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
