dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
