have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
