who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
