Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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