I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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