Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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