He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
where are my eyebrows?
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
