Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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