i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
