You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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