I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
