My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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