Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
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