God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
