she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
