dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
All I want is dick and wine.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
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