I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Randomize
