You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
