So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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