I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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