"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
not ubering you a puppy
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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