I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Operation Purity has been aborted
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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