textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
