I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
