Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
