I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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