I accidentally burped into my bong.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
