Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
