why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Randomize
