wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
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My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
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We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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