and you said cock pushups were impossible
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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