I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Randomize
