He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
