do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize