ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
