Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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