They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
