I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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