I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
