She is in my trunk
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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