If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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