he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
