You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I want you more than these girls want KFC
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
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My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
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