Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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