its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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